


Knowing me, Knowing you

by Pseudonymfox



Series: Sebastian Stan Oneshots and Drabbles [2]
Category: Actor RPF
Genre: Angst, Divorce, Emotional, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Heartbreak, Long-Distance Relationship, Love, Marriage, Miscarriage, Moving In Together, Pregnancy, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 18:47:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15691242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pseudonymfox/pseuds/Pseudonymfox
Summary: Your husband Sebastian and you decide to divorce but is it worth it to give everything up?…





	Knowing me, Knowing you

**Author's Note:**

> Request by anon:   
> Hello dear! I absolutely love your writing! I was wondering if you’d be okay to do a Seb x reader, where they’re about to divorce but before they sign the papers they talk about it and remember all the good times they had, so they decide to start over and burn the divorce papers, ends with fluff pls. But if you don’t want to just ignore this.

The moment you said “I do” to Sebastian was the luckiest and happiest day in your life. You memorized every little detail about your wedding. Not you even your wedding just also your first date, the first time you kissed, the day he asked to be his one and only, every morning and every night you closed your eyes just to wake up in his arms again, every detail of his character and everything you shared with him is deep down locked in your memories forever. Of anything that had happened and everything you wished and dreamed of exactly happened but you couldn’t figure out how you ended up filling out the divorce papers together.

It started as multiple times not seeing each other that just got longer and longer, the calls got cut short, none of you really lived in your shared house anymore and how you ended up being only a left over ring on your left hand and memories that often made you cry. You noticed the first time as someone asked “You how Sebastian is” and you just didn’t know how to answer the question because you didn’t know where he is or what he does besides seeing  a few of his pictures on instagram. You took the rest of the week off and took the first flight home realizing how your marriage with the guy you loved to the moon and back slowly crumbled into pieces. 

As you entered your house, he brought you after your first anniversary as a surprise which was also a hell of a lot work ended up standing here like a haunted house of your memories you didn’t want to let go. It almost felt like a museum already. A layer of dust laid over your furniture, over the awards he won and the picture you took. You didn’t even mind calling out after him the way it looks in here. You felt something like a Déjà-vu coming up from the first time you stepped in there. 

***Flashback***

_The door cracked loudly as Sebastian pushed at open and helped you inside. He blindfolded you and took you on a long ride outside from New York. He came up behind you and slowly undid the scarf around your eyes and replaced it with his hands.  
_

_“As I said It isn’t ready yet and I just couldn’t wait any longer so don’t flip out ok?“ he said nervously still holding you tightly against his chest, hugging you from behind.  
_

_“Ok ok ok for the hundredth time just show me what you did because I am getting really nervous“ you chuckled and he kissed you temple in response before backing up and put his hands from your eyes on your shoulder.  
_

_As you slowly opened your eyes you were met with an empty and big living room that was connected to a kitchen and another hallway. You realised slowly what he meant by saying it wasn’t ready yet.  
_

_“(Y/N)..?“ he slowly asked and you turned around with a shocked but also really unsure expression, what that real? Did he actually brought a house for you. You didn’t even could put your expression into words or anything that could make clear that how you were feeling at this moment so you decided to just lean in and let your feeling speak for themself. Your lips met his in a romantic and deep kiss which caused both of you smiling into it and breaking away after multiple little pecks here and there.  
_

_“So I guess you like it??“ he chuckled and rested his forehead against yours.  
_

_“Do you want me to show you how happy I am?“ you teased him smiling and kissing him again until you were both out of breath._

-You could still think of how you felt on this day and everything else just started to settle in with him.-

_“Let me show you the house first babe“ he said and took your hand leading you around the rooms, telling you of his plans he had. His fantasy of how it could look like and what he wished would become soon reality. You stopped at the last room of the hallway and it wasn’t a really big room but it seemed cozy and comfortable in there with the evening sun shining through the windows.  
_

_“What are your plans with this room?“ you turned around to him as you looked around the room. He stood in the doorway with flushed cheeks. Both of you must have the thought about the room but you wanted him to say it first.  
_

_“T-That could be a uhm…- I don’t really thought about it to be honest. I just-“ he stuttered and scratched the back of his head stumbling over his words. So you took a few steps towards him and cupped his scruffy jaw in your hands.  
_

_“Just say it Seb!..because I think it could be a-..a closet“ you smirked and chuckled a little as his smile dropped and tried it to conceal it. You already felt sorry for his poor cute little face. but you couldn’t resist this chance.  
_

_“-I was joking! I think it could be maybe a..nursery?“ you almost mumbled the rest but he just let out a sharp breath he was holding in._

_“You are evil.“ he grinned and leaned down again kissing you again shortly but still full of love.  
_

_You drove later back to your apartment you now shared for at least three years. It became your home shortly after you started dating and even if anyone said it would be way to soon for the next step you convinced everyone wrong because you just felt so sure about this. You knew Sebastian was a keeper and he knew after your first date that he is gonna marry you and never let you go again.  
_

_It was already late at night when you laid tangled together in your bed with a dim light on, still talking about the house and the ideas you had, the furniture you wanted to buy and already thinking about the colors you wanted to paint the walls or which he liked the most was in that night how passionate you talked about having a baby together probably overthinking everything but he just loved hearing you talk about how much you love him and how much you would love it to start a family._

-He memorized this for the future, smiling to himself thinking back to the time where you just laid in bed and talked about everything that came to your minds and even after all this time he knew you, there wasn’t one day where he didn’t love you or got bored of you. Not one.- 

[Originally posted by dean-just-kiss-cas-already](https://tmblr.co/Z3BF6k2ZPfLNl)

_“What are you thinking about?“ you asked softly and leaned your chin on his chest, looking up to him after your never ending speech about the family you wanted to have and how you pictured it. Hopefully you didn’t scare him with it you thought.  
_

_“Us“ he simply answered._

***End of Flashback***

You went up the stairs with your suitcase and entered the bedroom where still everything just laid there like you just left. On of his shirts is spread on the bed like he going to come out of the bathroom and put it on. The closets doors wide open and almost empty. After putting everything back into the place you decided to go straight to back no even feeling like eating something or showering. It felt weird to lay in this bed again where you made a lot memories too. It was so silent that is almost creeped you out so turned around and stared at the empty side from him. You ran your hand arcoss the pillow and felt everything swelling up again, that insane feeling of being homesick and just missing him having him here besides you. 

Through your work you were always occupied with something and always friends around you, that caused the problem that your emotions started to just bottle up until this day where all of that just came breaking out, tears started to flow. It wasn’t just missing him that much it was also that you felt scared of him not loving you anymore or just thinking about what went wrong how it could came to this. Everything you needed was him holding you and telling you that everything is going to be ok. You couldn’t sleep anymore with the tears escaping your eyes constantly and loud sobs echoing through the room. You shuffled closer to his side of the bed and his scent still lingered onto the pillow which helped you a little bit to fall asleep while hugging the pillow closer to you. 

The next morning you got woken up from your phone buzzing on the nightstand. You groaned and grabbed it, anwsering without even looking who is calling at six in the morning. 

“Hello?“ you asked trying your best not to fall asleep again. 

“Hey (Y/N)..It’s me, I just wanted to ask how you are?“ the way to familiar voice said, Sebastian’s voice. You already cursed yourself for the second you didn’t recognize his voice. Now feeling wide awake you sat up leaned against the headboard trying to sound normal and not like you cried through the whole night. 

“Seb, hey. I am good, I am home again…h-how are you?“ you lied about how you felt and tried to blink the tears away that started to form.

“Oh you are home again? Why-..“ he started but didn’t felt like that was the right way and sighed heavily before continuing, it wasn’t easy for him either. It hurt…a lot. “- I am great too. I wanted to call yesterday but it was already late and yeah“ he ran his hand across his face. Sebastian stayed mostly in hotels or at friends because he couldn’t live alone in this house anymore. Not that he blamed you for being away too much, it is probably both of your fault that no one was at your house anymore. 

“I understand..L-Listen to be honest I am not good. Can you come home please?“ he heard your voice cracking and muffled sobs. It broke his heart to hear you like this and sadly he knew what is coming next. 

“Everything alright (Y/N)? I’ll be home in a few hours ok. Wait for me!“ he said and started throwing his stuff that laid across his hotel room into his bags.

“Ok..I love you Sebastian“ he heard you saying with a pause. like you tried to assure him that you still loved him. It sounded bad and he wasn’t sure about the feeling he had but it made him sad. 

“I love you too (Y/N)“ he replied and hung up.

Quickly checking if he had everything and while checking out and booking a flight the picture of you and him just sleeping in a weird position that took Anthony Mackie on set after a hard day at work. He swelled a little bit in nostalgia and threw his sunglasses on before exiting the hotel as fast as possible so none of the paparazzi could notice his red eyes or ask him inappropriate questions about you or stuff like if he was cheating, which was no true at all and hopefully you knew that he wouldn’t do that. 

You guessed that flight took a bit longer so you tried to think about something else and cleaning the house a little bit. It wasn’t much do to other than doing a bit of laundry, grocery shopping and getting rid of the dust that laid like a thick layer over everything. You stopped at the last door which you haven’t opened in months. The room were you supposed to use as one for future children. You remembered the exact day you stopped trying. 

***Flashback***

_Positive said the little stick after the what felt like never ending time of waiting. It wasn’t even the first one, it was the fifth one already because you couldn’t believe it. Sebastian and you tried to start having unprotected sex not even that long ago and now you were pregnant?You couldn’t believe it. You wanted to do a little surprise for Sebastian and think of a cute way to tell him the news but as soon as you started acting weird and the morning sickness began he just knew because he knew you too well for not knowing what is wrong. He was the one who brought the tests and the one who asked you if you had a same feeling like his. The knocking of the door brought you out of your trance of staring at the tests. Sebastian stuck his head shortly after through the doorway. You saw his waiting expression through the mirror and turned around.  
_

_“What does they say? Are you pregnant?“ he opened the door now fully. In the moment where he saw you just nodding and showing him the results. There came this feeling back like when he first met you or the day he married you, He was speechles and the two of you started to first of all keep it for yourself just for the begginning. He often leaned down and laid his head onto your swelling stomach and began to talking to it even if you were asleep or at least when he thought you did. Secretly you felt it sometimes when he pushed you shirt up and just slid a little bit down, mumbling things like how much he love her or him and that you were trying to be the best parents of the world. It let your heart swell up and for this short amount of time the feeling of pure love didn’t vanish.  
_

_Until one night were you woken up through an immense sharp pain in your lower half. At first you didn’t think much of it even thought that he or she was just kicking but it just got worse. You became even more worried as you pushed the blanket aside and saw blood over the sheets and your pants. You started crying out loud and Sebastian woke up too finally finding you holding tightly onto your belly. The words he said didn’t came really through as he told you to stay calm but it didn’t help by the look on his face as he noticed the blood and you being in strong pain.  
_

_He called an emergency which showed up like 10 minutes later in your driveway. They drove you to the next hospital where they told you that they couldn’t do much more and that you had a miscarriage. Neither of you dared to say another word._

[Originally posted by spdrparker](https://tmblr.co/Zq8DIi2GOwuM4)

-Yes maybe if you think back to it, it could be a reason why everything of this happened and maybe both of you just needed time for yourself after this but it could be possible that that was the time where you had to stay together but you didn’t-

_It was all over the news that you are being drove of in an ambulance, the next two day you stayed at the hospital for a few check ups and the doctors just wanted to check you mental state. It didn’t help when you left the hospital to be bombed with questions what happend. They of course started to questioning if it something to do with him being abusive or even a overdose but Sebastian stated on Instagram what is going on. Everyone was really supportive but in the end you still had to through this. It was a hard time but you couldn’t continue crying each night and start living with it. That you accepted it and got over with it. Not that you could just forget the baby you had but you just learned to live with it and so did Sebastian._

***End of Flasback***

You ended up opening the door for just a few moments. It was packed with unpacked baby furniture and other old stuff you wanted to get rid off a long time ago or at least bring it into the garage. You closed the door again and after you fell asleep on the couch or better said you passed out after not really sleeping at night you got woken up from the Sebs voice calling out for you. 

“Hey..” he said and suddenly it felt weird even if you missed his touch and the closeness you normally had with each other. He didn’t move as he sat besides you on the couch. 

“Hey..“ you said with an unsteady voice and sat up too and didn’t know what to do, you had the urge to kiss him, to hold him close to you and never let go ever again but there was also the weird feeling between you.

You study his face, how his beard grew more and he looked just as tired as you probably did. It were just a few months since you saw each other but it almost felt like years you were apart. 

“I think we both know where this is going.-.“ he spoke up again meeting your teary eyes. He didn’t want this and you didn’t either but at this time neither of you could really think of another way than needing time. 

“-please don’t cry (Y/N)“ he pleaded and chuckled a little bit with you together before wiping his own eyes. 

“I’m sorry“ you said through you light sobs. He took you hand gently and held eye contact. 

“No don’t apologize…“ he said with a cracking voice and held tightly onto your hand. 

“No…I am so-..so sorry.“ you replied again, you tears started to flow over you rosy cheeks again and Sebastian pulled you close to him holding you tightly to him. You felt him lightly sobbing to while you just stayed like this for a good while. 

The following day you talked everything out and this is how you found yourself now with two lawyers and divorce papers in front of you. 

“Sign here Mr.Stan“ the lawyer told him and showed him the first site. He hesiatated and just stared down at the paper. 

As he read those papers in front of him he couldn’t believe what he was doing. He promised this girl he loved from the very first beginning to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. He sweared to god that he will love forever and he still did. He loves you so why did he have tose papers in front of him. He looked up to you who just stared back at him with your beautiful but glassy. The feeling of letting you go and losing you forever was something he clearly doesn’t want so he took one last look at the papers and back to you waiting for a sign or something that told him that he gave it away that you felt the same. That is a waste of time. 

You smiled at him because you didn’t know what is going through his head but as he smiled back you could feel your heart swell up again. 

“Can we have a second alone?“ he asked the others who understanding nodded and left the both of you alone. He stood up and walked around the table to sit besides you. 

“Everything alright Sebastian?“ you still smiled at him nervously thinking and hoping that you are right with what you thought he is doing. 

“I love you (Y/N)! So much! I don’t want this and I think you don’t want this too so please tell me if I am wrong to think that this is going to be the biggest mistake we have ever done and I just want to come home again with you. I want us back and I’ll do anything you want to do. I’ll would followe you around the world if that means we are still married but if you want a divorce than I am not stopping you either“ he said with hopeful eyes. You breathed out and thought about it which you didn’t even had to because the answer was already clear for you. 

“I love you too Sebastian and I want to go home too“ you replied and grinned at him. 

“..but?“ he asked still unsure about how it sounded like there was a but, something you didn’t want or were unsure about. 

“No but…I just want you”

And this is the story how you almost lost the love your life. Afterwards you walked out with intertwined hands, still married. Would either of you had sign those papers than you would have never saw the future you were living in now. You wouldn’t got pregnant again, never gave birth to a beautiful daughter, never saw her growing up. You would have lost the life you always wanted with the love of your life. If it’s meant to be, it will be and it’s worth every second.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback appreciated :)
> 
> xoxo Sophie


End file.
